


Words Will Hurt Me

by LenaKieranDanvers



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21535486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenaKieranDanvers/pseuds/LenaKieranDanvers
Summary: In the immediate aftermath of Episode 5x07  "Sticks and Stones". Six chapters planned.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 15
Kudos: 290





	1. Alex

"Supergirl. Supergirl, do you copy? Supergirl?" Alex tried the comms again, drumming her fingers impatiently on the control room tabletop. She thought Kara and Lena would have picked out a weapon by now and be back already. Alex wanted an update, stat. She and her team needed all the time they could get to prepare for the showdown against Leviathan, whatever form that was going to take. 

It was unlike Kara to be completely out of touch, the most recent time being as a result of Shadow jamming their communications, and look how that turned out: Lena attacked in her home, prisoners escaped, and Alex locked in a cell at her own facility. Panic began to rise in Alex's throat. 

She tried to shake it out of her mind; Kara was in the Fortress of Solitude, the safest place on earth for Kryptonians, safer even than the DEO. Still, something didn't feel right, and Alex always had an uncanny intuition when it came to her sister, perhaps the only real superpower she had... 

"Supergirl, do you copy! Supergirl! ... This is Director Danvers!" Alex wondered if a jolt of big-sister authority would do the trick. She continued to pace around the control room, as the radio silence rang in her ear, punctuated only by the heavy footfalls of her combat boots. 

She stopped in her tracks, touching her index finger to her earlobe. "...Kara?" she tried, desperately. She had never addressed her by her real name during official business. But she was in full-sister mode now; and she could feel it in her bones: Kara Danvers was in trouble.


	2. J'onn

J'onn was enjoying hot cocoa in his office with his brother, the first, genuine fraternal moment they'd shared since they were younglings, when his cellphone rang. The screen lit up: ALEX DANVERS. He was reluctant to interrupt this tender moment, but the warmth in his veins was already starting to curdle with worry. "Excuse me," he mumbled sheepishly to his brother, as he answered the phone. "Alex," he said simply.

"J'onn, I can't reach Supergirl. Can you get to her? She's in the Fortress of Solitude with Lena", Alex finished. With that, J'onn's heart rate began climb. He had always trusted Lena, had seen into her consciousness and saw only the purest intentions as it concerned their inner circle, and humanity at large. Still, recent events were unraveling his understanding of her. Sure, she had saved Malefic from the Phantom Zone, which turned out to have been an extraordinary gift for their brotherhood, but at the time Mal was banished, they thought he was an irredeemable murderer hellbent on killing everyone J’onn loved. What was Lena doing with him? And what was happening with Kara in the Fortress?

"I'll leave right now," J'onn said.

"Thanks, J'onn." Alex sighed, ending their call.

J'onn rubbed his jaw, trying to steady himself before leaving. Mal was looking at him.

"Need backup?" Mal asked tentatively.

J'onn nodded.


	3. Malefic

Mal thrilled with the adrenaline and camaraderie of being a part of a mission, with his brother. He knew the circumstances were extremely serious, and he tried to contain his excitement as he and J'onn phased into the Fortress of Solitude. When they alighted on the icy floor, Mal thought for moment they were in the wrong place. It was as desolate as the chamber he spent his adolescence in. But then, he was hit with the psychic trauma of the place. It hit him harder than it did J’onn; Mal gasped and clutched his chest. Something bad had happened here, indeed. A rendering. And Lena was likely the culprit, if she had teamed up with him, as a villain. Mal felt a stab of regret at having helped her with the mind-control development. He needed to get J’onn up to speed… 

Before he could, J’onn spotted something. “There!” he roared, as he rushed toward a crumpled cape on the ground. As they got closer, Mal saw that it was Supergirl, her skin pulsing green from the effects of Kryptonite.

J'onn bent over Supergirl, turning her over from the fetal position she was curled up in. "Kara... what happened?!" Her eyes were open but unfocused, red and brimming with tears. "Let's get her out of here," J'onn said, turning to Mal, as he lifted Supergirl into his arms.

Mal glanced around the premises, his eyes landed on a canon lying askew on the ground. He asked, "What about Lena?" 

At that, Supergirl's eyes blinked and flickered to Mal, weakly shaking her head. "She's gone" Supergirl whispered.

“Grab that. Let’s go,” J’onn directed. Mal picked up the canon and joined J’onn by his side.


	4. Kara

Kara didn’t want to leave; she didn’t want this moment to end, for then she would have to confront the reality of the next moment of her life, without Lena, and the next one after that, and the next and the next, all without Lena, without Lena, Lena. She could have left hours ago; the ice block had a programmed release. As it vaporized away with a whirr, Kara simply tumbled to the floor and remained there, grasping at the touch of kindness- Lena knew she was claustrophobic. She didn’t want to torture her. She just wanted enough time to get away with Myriad. Could it be a sign, that perhaps there was still some love for Kara in Lena’s heart? NO! She’s just a good person! Kara beat her head again onto the icy floor. _She did it because she’s good, not because I deserve anything from her!_ Kara’s mind raged against itself. 

She felt herself being picked up. She hung limply in J’onn’s arms, too despondent to make herself easier to carry. She felt the peculiar sensation of being phased, the feeling of her atoms springing apart and intermingling with the surrounding matter, then smashing back together like a magnet as they materialized inside the DEO.

She was rushed to the recovery room, where the sun lamps pointed on her at full blast, DEO agents darting to and fro to collect Supergirl’s vitals and conduct their routine of emergency care. She could hear their staccato banter, as if from far away. 

_“What is he doing here, with that?!”_

__

__

_“No, he’s with us! That’s for Leviathan!”_

Kara started to feel the tell-tale strength returning and spreading like a tendril through her limbs. "NO!" she screamed, lurching off the bed and tumbling to the floor.

"Kara?!" Alex shrieked, with concern and confusion. She dashed to her sister’s side, crouching down to her, as Brainy quickly adjusted a lamp to reach Supergirl from the new angle.

"NO!" Kara screamed again, pulling her cape over her face. "Let me feel this pain!" she sobbed.

“Kara, what happened?!” Alex begged. “Where’s Lena?”

Kara felt another wave of grief, regret and pain swell inside her, and moaned wildly. If only she could turn back time! _The one thing I can’t do!_ The helplessness plagued her. The self-loathing. _Lena!_

There was so much to do, so much going on. Leviathan, Myriad.. but Kara couldn’t bring herself out of her despair. She sobbed and sobbed in her sister’s arms.


	5. Brainy

Brainy lingered, pretending to busy himself with the vitals controls, meanwhile surreptitiously observing Alex as she comforted her sister. Alex rocked her back and forth, her palm clasped across Kara’s forehead and pressing her temple into her chest, murmuring “shh… shh… it’s ok... I’m here...”

Brainy was waiting for the right moment to interrupt, to discuss their plan of action. But Kara’s feelings were bottomless; they just kept coming and coming. It was impressive. Where did she keep all of them?

Alex suddenly glanced up and they made eye contact. He tried to turn quickly away, as if he hadn’t been watching, but Alex gave him a curt nod to indicate he should proceed without her. It was unlike Alex to shirk her duties during a crisis. She is so fond of being in charge, and of a good adrenaline rush. But Kara was having a serious malfunction with her boxes. And if there’s one thing that can get in the way of Alex’s work, it’s Kara. 

Brainy nodded back and strode out to the main control room, where J’onn and Mal were waiting, leaning on their elbows at the center desk. They both looked up at him as he entered. 

Brainy nudged the image of Kara and her feelings out of his center focus and filed it under Friend/Pain for later review. As he approached J’onn and Mal, he summoned his most steady vocals. “What did you learn at the Fortress?” he asked calmly, clasping his hands behind his back. 

“Not much, unfortunately.” J’onn started. “There were no signs of a struggle, other than the Kryptonite. And Lena wasn’t there.” Brainy detected a slight tremor of hesitancy in his voice. “We don’t know what happened to her, or where she is. She could be in danger.”

Mal looked back and forth between them. “I think Lena… is the danger.”

Brainy and J’onn snapped their faces to Mal. 

He continued, “She’s working on a project to... control the minds of others. That’s why she had me. She kept saying she just wanted to make everyone stop hurting each other. But after the attack on Supergirl, and then disappearing... I’m afraid she’s up to something nefarious.” 

J’onn lowered his gaze to the table, as if unwilling to confirm or deny Mal’s theory.

Brainy spoke first. “These are serious allegations against our friend. We should proceed with caution until we know more. We must determine Lena’s whereabouts; ascertain her safety. And then uncover the truth of the matter.” 

“I’ll do it.” they turned to the interlocutor: Supergirl. She advanced slowly into the room. Her physical capacities were restored, but she still moved tentatively. 

Brainy couldn’t help his risk assessment from spitting out an analysis. “Supergirl, the chance that you will experience another defeat in repeating the scenario of the Fortress is… assured.”

“That’s exactly why I must go! She has to know that I would risk everything for the chance to save her, to save us!” Kara exclaimed. 

“Supergirl, she can control minds now! Who knows how she plans to deploy that power? Besides, we need you on Leviathan!” J’onn clenched his fists, his anger and fear and protectiveness mounting. 

“You got through to Malefic!” Kara gestured wildly to Mal. “I have to do the same for Lena, before she does anything that’ll cause the LIKES OF YOU to go after her!” her voice rising with desperation. 

Brainy, J’onn and Mal looked away from her, glancing around the room awkwardly. Brainy spotted Alex in the doorway of the control room, who began to stride towards them. 

“We’ll go get Leviathan.” Alex commanded, her voice booming. She met her sister’s eyes. “You go get Lena,” she added softly. A small smile tugged at the corner of their mouths. 

And with that, Supergirl flew out, leaving only the red flash of her cape in her wake.


	6. Lena

Lena worked swiftly, determinedly, her fingers flying over the keyboard and tools of her lab, her thoughts and actions coursing like a river. Lena did not allow herself to stop. Her heavy wool coat still lay draped across the utility table, where she had discarded it upon beaming into her lab from the transporter watch. Hope had been waiting for her, as instructed. The Intruder Protocol at the Fortress bought Lena only half an hour. There was no time to lose. 

Supergirl would long be back at the DEO, surely teaming up with them to come and take her down. But everything was falling into place for Lena. She successfully interfaced Myriad with her Non Nocere programming. It was ready for deployment across the globe. Lena had even enhanced the technology to be effective on Kryptonians. Soon enough, even Supergirl would bend at Lena’s will, unable inflict harm on her ever again. As she completed the finishing touches on the equipment, a slight tremble coursed through Lena’s body. She paused. 

After a moment, Hope chirped “it is ready.”

Lena continued to stare at the Myriad device. “I know.” She finally replied, standing up from her table and approaching the panel of monitors situated across the room. 

Hope continued, “You insisted there must be no delays.”

Lena turned on her heel to face Hope. Just then, Supergirl came blasting through the lab door. 

Lena sighed. She held the Myriad release button in her hand. She expected this, but it was still inconvenient. She would prefer to not see Supergirl’s face as Lena conquered her and everyone’s will. 

Supergirl looked up at her from where she had landed after skidding and tumbling through the jagged hole in the heavy steel door. Kara looked surprised, Lena knew not why, this was _her_ lab. Instead of rising to confront her, Kara remained on the floor, only adjusting her position from an akimbo sprawl to a slightly more dignified kneel. No backup appeared for Supergirl. 

“Lena—” Supergirl started, her voice immediately choking up. 

“You’ve got a lot of nerve,” Lena spoke coolly, looking down at the Myriad remote in her hand, rolling it between her fingers. Just a button away… She felt herself at the precipice of triumph. 

“I want you to take over my mind,” Supergirl said. 

Lena looked up from Myriad to Kara with a start. “Excuse me?”

“I know you can do it. I want you enter my mind and know everything. My memories, my feelings, everything, it’s all yours for the taking. I want you to know the intentions of everything I did. From the moment we met. How I struggled to come clean after so much time had passed. You’ll see, I did it out of love! I never intended to use you or make a fool of you, you _have_ to believe me. I want you to see for yourself!” Kara gasped, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Now _this_ was unexpected.

Lena turned away from Kara’s pleading eyes. She continued to twist the device over in her hand. If Kara was willing to do that, then she must be confident of what Lena would find. She’d be a fool if she thinks she can conceal anything in her consciousness once Lena’s in. And then what, Lena just gets the satisfaction of being proven right, beyond a doubt, with all the accompanying pain?

She reflexively thought of how Lex would envy her this opportunity to explore, unhindered, the mind of a Kryptonian. As the familiar guilt bloomed in her stomach, Lena pushed the thoughts of her brother aside. 

“Please, Lena, say something,” Supergirl whimpered from behind her.

Lena turned back around to face her. “I’ll do it—” Kara’s shoulders relaxed with relief. “— only so that I don’t regret passing up this opportunity in the future.” Kara nodded and swallowed thickly, standing up to meet Lena’s gaze directly. 

Lena’s eyes flashed unnaturally bright green; Kara’s eyes responded in kind. 

It was very different this time. For one thing, Lena was invited into this mind. She also wasn’t trying to compel a particular action; she was just here on a fact-finding mission. The first thing she noticed was Kara’s worldview enveloping her, that characteristic, relentless optimism of hers which she always admired. Used to, anyway. It was a bit annoying, actually. She felt Kara wince. So, Kara could sense her in here. Kara would be aware of what she found. 

Lena proceeded to examine the neural network of Kara’s memories. Some shone more brightly than others, as if they were well-polished routes, memories revisited time and time again. She tried to pick something innocuous to start, to see how this would work. She selected a well-worn memory with a candle-lit cupcake at its core. Go figure. There was a hot flush. _I’ve embarrassed her,_ Lena thought. But Kara did not retreat. She remained open, steady. 

Lena touched the memory and _experienced_ it. As Kara. It started with a pang a loneliness. Lena could hardly imagine Kara feeling lonely. She had so many loving people in her life. Then, there was the knock at the door. Alex. That rush of joy, the overwhelming adoration of her big sister. “Happy earth birthday,” that bittersweet day she joined the Danvers family. The craving for the sugary frosting, satisfying it. Nestling into her sister’s arms on the couch, talking about everything and nothing. The feeling of home. 

Lena snapped herself out of the memory. Ok, so that’s how this goes. She steeled herself to probe the memories she was really after. Kara remained open, vulnerable and unflinching. 

Lena began to sift through memories from the entirety of their relationship, from the moment they met. Not telling her she was Supergirl at first wasn’t personal, that was simply Kara’s default. Then, it became about protecting Lena, protecting her from others who would do her harm to get to Supergirl. Just as Kara had said. Then there came the period of Kara’s agony of wanting to tell her, always worrying that it wasn’t the right time for Lena to know, for Lena’s sake. Then there was Alex talking her out of it one night, also to protect Lena. Again, and again, Kara, and Alex and everyone who knew… they just wanted to keep Lena safe. Finally, Kara’s most recent memories. Alex pushing her to finally confess, and Kara’s terror of losing Lena. Because she loved her. 

This word, love, suddenly felt like a key in Lena’s hands. A new layer of Kara’s memories of them together came into focus. Lena experienced Kara’s nervous giddiness during their first lunch together. Sleepovers in which Kara hadn’t slept at all; had actually spent the night just watching Lena breathe. Countless stolen glances, at her jawline, her chest, her figure in jeans. Carrying her as Supergirl and holding her waist just a little tighter than she did others. When Lena had grabbed her hand on the couch, Kara’s body burned with delight. Always going to the ends of the earth to please her, to help her. There were so many memories, it was undeniable, to Lena, and to Kara. 

Lena pulled out of the meld, her and Kara’s eyes reverting to their natural hues. “You’re in love with me,” Lena gasped. 

Kara just looked at her, her face crumpled with worry and longing.

“You’ve been in love with me... for years.” Lena added. 

Kara directed her gaze to the floor. “Lena, I--…“ she stammered. 

Lena was still so hurt, so angry. But everything she had ever wanted was just within reach. Before she could hesitate, before the moment was gone forever, she tossed aside the Myriad remote, closed the space between her and Kara, grabbed her face with both of her hands, and pressed their lips together. She kissed her. She kissed her and kissed her and, miraculously, Kara kissed her back.

They continued to kiss, stumbling towards the utility table. Kara wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist, and melted into her embrace. Lena pressed Kara against the table, their thighs interlocking. Kara grabbed the collar of Lena’s blouse, turning her lips to Lena’s neck, her ear, her collar bone, her fingers fumbling with the buttons of Lena’s top, gradually liberating them. Lena ran her fingers through Kara’s wavy locks, murmuring, “Kara, Kara,” as she felt Kara’s lips reach her cleavage. She wanted desperately to feel more of Kara’s skin against hers, but the Supersuit appeared to have no buttons, zippers or seams. She wanted to get out of this cold, medicinal light, and bare themselves completely to each other. 

“Kara,” she pleaded, “take me home.” 

Kara nodded, and just like that, they were in her loft. 

Kara deposited Lena gently in her bed, before swiftly flitting around her apartment and lighting candles with delicate bursts of her heat vision. She returned to the bed, wearing only her bralette and boy shorts, her abs cast in exquisite relief by the dim lighting. Lena bit the corner of her lip. She reached out and pulled Kara down on top of her. She was desperate to feel Kara’s lips on hers again. 

As they kissed, Kara slid Lena’s silk blouse down off her shoulders. Kara paused momentarily, taking Lena in, tracing her fingers lightly around the curve of Lena’s breasts. She haltingly slipped her hands around Lena’s back, resting on the hooks of Lena’s bra. Lena nodded encouragingly. Kara’s agile fingertips released the clasps, Lena’s cleavage spilling before her. Lena watched how Kara gazed upon her with such wonder, touching her so gingerly, as if she were a fragile, breakable thing. _Well, I suppose in the hands of a Kryptonian, I am._ Lena felt the heat rising within her. She impatiently tugged Kara’s bralette up and over her head, flinging it to the floor. The rest of their clothing was removed and discarded in kind. 

Years of tension erupted in passion as they made love. Lena kissed Kara everywhere she had longed to kiss her. Their naked bodies moved together in rhythm. Lena’s brow dampened with sweat; brunette locks entangled with blonde waves. Lena reached between Kara’s thighs and slid her fingers inside her. “Oh Rao,” Kara moaned, clutching Lena’s shoulder blades. Lena could hardly believe this was happening. She buried her face into Kara’s neck as she continued to thrust inside her. After all this time, finally... “Oh Rao, oh Rao, OH RAO OH RAO OH RAO!” Kara cried out, as her pleasure climaxed. Lena and Kara collapsed in each other’s arms, both breathing heavily. They continued to hold each other tight as their bodies relaxed. 

_Things certainly won’t be like they were before,_ Lena mused. 

“I love you, Lena” Kara suddenly said. 

Lena lifted her head from Kara’s shoulder on the pillow so she could look into her eyes. 

“I love you, too, Kara, I do. So much.” Lena babbled. She clasped her palm over her eyes with slight embarrassment. 

Kara squeezed her tight, kissing her scalp. They nestled into the covers, and surrendered to sleep.


	7. Kara II

With a contented inhale, Kara awoke. She opened her eyes to the bright morning light bouncing off her white sheets, and next to her, Lena.. Lena’s bare shoulder peeked out the cotton blanket, her dark brunette curls cascading down her back and across the pillow. Kara gasped. She really.. it really.. happened. Kara stared in awe, a grin widening across her face, until the noise that woke her sounded again: a gentle knocking at the door, and Alex’s voice on the other side, “Kara? Are you home?”

“Oh, Rao!” Kara cursed, bolting out of bed. She glanced frantically around for something to throw on. Her clothes were strewn about from the night before, mixed impossibly with Lena’s. She heard Alex’s keys jangling, as Alex inserted her spare into the lock. In desperation, Kara flicked her glasses in front of her face, her Supersuit covering her nakedness just in the nick of time.

“Aa—lex.” Kara announced awkwardly, as she landed with superspeed at the threshold. 

“Kara! Are you ok? I didn’t hear anything from you last night after you went to talk to Lena.”

“Oh, yes, everything’s good. Great, actually. It’s great.” Kara stammered nervously.

“Why are you in your Supersuit? Is something going on?” Alex asked, concern rising in her voice. 

“Oh this? I just threw this on…” Kara gestured casually, trying to be nonchalant, laughing and snorting. 

“Okay…” Alex replied skeptically. With each step forward Alex took, Kara mirrored her, zigging and zagging across the kitchen, preventing Alex from getting around her and trying to thwart her from advancing further into the apartment. 

“So, what happened exactly?” Alex continued, making a sudden break toward the living room area. 

“DON’T!-” Kara shrieked. Alex gave her a look, her brow furrowed in confusion and sisterly suspicion. “--go over there,” Kara finished.

“Why not?” Alex sassed, looking around earnestly for a sign, a clue, to explain her sister’s strange behavior. When her eyes landed on the Japanese silk screen separating Kara’s bed from the living space, Kara’s eyes widened in horror. 

“Did you---” Alex’s chin tilted sternly. “Did you chicken out of talking to her last night? Did you just bring some guy home to distract yourself from--“ Alex’s voice rose steadily as she marched across the studio towards Kara’s bed. 

Kara trailed anxiously behind her, pleading, “Alex, no, I didn’t, please-“ They had an unspoken agreement that Kara wouldn’t use her powers against her sister, so she simply watched helplessly as Alex rounded the corner to her bed, next to which Lena was now standing, in her slacks and buttoning her blouse. 

Alex’s eyes blinked incredulously. So certain of confronting some hunky dude, she took a moment to register the new information, the rumpled bedsheets, Kara’s clothes on the floor, and Lena, with tousled locks. “Lena.” Alex finally spoke, with a quick shake of her head and blinking of her eyes. 

“Alex,” Lena nodded to her. 

Kara stood behind her sister, eyes wide in shock. 

“Well,” Alex sighed as she turned around to face her sister, narrowing one eye into a knowing wink, “we’ll catch up later,” she finished softly. Kara nodded emphatically as Alex passed by her and let herself out. 

With a sigh of relief, Kara threw herself onto the bed. “That was a close one!” she exclaimed. 

Lena sat down next to her, a smirk pulling at the corner of her lips. “What do you mean, ‘close’? She totally knows.”

Kara scrunched her face up at Lena, begging denial, before burying her face in her hands, “oh, Rao!” 

Lena laughed, leaning in and kissing Kara’s bangs.


End file.
